We’ve all been there, comparing ourselves to others and wondering how WE stack up. Are we good enough? Smart enough? Big enough? Know enough? Young enough? Thin enough? These are all false problems, and I’ll tell you why.
I realized this more fully when I had the opportunity to speak at a 3 Principles conference. After the talk one person approached me and said she wanted to share the principles, but she felt there was so much she didn’t know because she wasn’t like the speakers she had seen during the conference.
I stopped her and pointed out that she had skills and gifts that none of those speakers had, which was all she needed to share her understanding of the principles. She then added she needed to learn more before she could share her knowledge of them. It was as if she hadn’t heard what I said and continued comparing herself with other speakers.
This issue has been termed comparisonitis and has been written about many many times.
In some instances comparing yourself to others can act as a motivator and inspire you to act but in many cases this syndrome can have a negative effect.
How can comparisonitis hold you back?
Comparisonitis can stop you in any number of ways:
- It can make you feel like a failure.
- It can stop you from taking risks.
- It can make you feel like there’s no point in trying at all.
- It can lower your self esteem.
- It can have a negative impact upon your confidence
How To Stay Out of Comparisonitis?
Accept Your Difference
If you’re feeling discouraged because someone else has something you want, or if you’re feeling frustrated because someone else seems to have it all together and is doing what you think you should be doing. Accept it; it is what it is,
It may feel difficult initially because you are used to judging and comparing yourself to others but the first step to recovering from comparisonitis is to recognise people are different, at different stages in their lives with different starting points. Stop fighting yourself and where you think you should be and instead accept where you are. When you begin to accept, you then have clarity to see how you move beyond comparisonitis.
We can stop comparing ourselves to others by turning our attention inward. Instead of looking at what other people have, look at yourself—what do YOU have? What’s unique about YOU? If you focus on qualities that make YOU unique, then you’ll be less likely to notice that other people seem better than you in some ways.
Comparisonitis becomes a problem when we think we should be like someone else or achieve what someone else has. You have created a narrative about your life and theirs which ends with you thinking you are a failure because you are not like them.
You were never meant to be like them. You may achieve the same goals and still not look or be like them. The issue began with you wanting to be something you are not and then focus your attention on becoming something you were never meant to be.
Face your Fears
Are you comparing yourself to someone who has what you have or is doing what you want to be doing because of fear? Fear of failure prevented you from starting. Fear of doing what you really wanted to and denied yourself the opportunity.Fear of actually succeeding.
The fear you experience is the fear you have created due to the thinking you believe to be true about yourself and others. Recognise this is what you do to yourself and give yourself permission; permission to ask for and act on the things you want, permission to fail and learn from your failure and permission to succeed. You may surprise yourself and realise the life you have is better than the person you compared yourself to because it is YOUR life!
Comparing yourself to others in some small way can be a motivator for change but in most cases it can have a negative impact on who you think you are and what you think you need to be doing with your life.
Learning to look beyond the narrative of who and what you think you should be, accepting who you are and crafting a life and business based upon that will lead you away from comparisonitis and leading your life the way it was meant to be….for you
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